Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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