Your face is a jimmy john
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
