Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
