Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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