her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
