She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
