I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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