I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
