Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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