they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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