I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
