I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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