no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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