Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
