I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
