a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
