the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
