My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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