Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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