Moan for me like Helen Keller
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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