It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
