he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
