I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
