did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
