I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
