I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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