I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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