I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Congratulations! We have a period
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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