she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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