There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
