I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
