Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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