He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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