New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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