well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
