just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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