good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
