sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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