her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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