he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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