Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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