Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
