Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
