Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
