Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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