I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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