i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
