Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
