God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
