the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
