I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
