So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
