I bet he comes in French.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
jump out the window naked night went bad
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