The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
