He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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