He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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