Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
