Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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