She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All I want is dick and wine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
