I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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