I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
