cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
