I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
