Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
