At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My breasts were aching with rage.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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