how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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